Osho from his book 'sex matters'.
I see in myself, my ability to be thinking to the future, for example :
'when i get to the bar' then ; 'when i get my drink' then 'when i have finished this drink' moves to ' when i leave this bar' moves to 'when i have unlocked my bike' and then 'when i get home and be warm' and 'when i get into bed' and then finally 'okay, i am in bed now, when will i get to sleep!' ;) !!!!
....feels almost funny ;) that i am doing this...rarely living the actual event but mostly in the moment that comes next. but we all know tomorrow never comes ;) there is always the next, not this, moment!!.
as i write this, what am i thinking? about putting my heart and soul into this writing/these words/allowing myself to become these words and the words to rain out of me like pure nature?
when i am feeling most myself. when i am calm and joyous....joyous right in the center of me. and then all the joy grows flowers around it and all the sun shines down on every petal and seed. and rain then comes down on their water proff leaves. does not spoil them like it does paper. like life can rain down on me. without my fear shilding it. wihtout by ever feeling of 'tomorrow' passing it by.
action precedes everything in life. I am what I act. Mostly I, myself, donot notice what I am acting (may be I am busy in noticing other's actions). But the act of acting is very important to notice. I have learnt that I have spent most of my time in my life thinking about past and future. I have always put my one foot in past and other in future (may be that's why I am pissing on my present). But If I donot control my present, I cannot control my past or future, per say.
On the other day, when we met, I sat there for a while after you left. Thinking that how we are linked with each other. As you said everything in this material existence of us is connected to each other in a way or other. And I learnt that I needed to discover our connection at the time when you were there, in front of me. Sitting calm, talking. I was able to see you. I was able to listen you. May be I could have connected myself with you during the moment when we were together and not after you left.
indeed, it is the moment that is happening in the present which is the only moment livable. we can drag the past and the dreamed future into our present path, word by word, letter by letter, if we choose but it is often, as we say, 'dreamed' or 'dragged' and not really real.
i did a course yesterday which celebrated 'short moments'. they didnt explain exactly what a 'short moment' was, but i thought it was probably to do with dividing life into lots of slithers of moments....dividing the movie or story up, so that it loses the ultimate meaning and just becomes a set of shapes, or colours or behaviour or emotions and i lthought i liked that approach :)
yes, the future is very appealing...'present' and 'future' are a bit the difference between water and alcohol, water is life and alcohol changes our perseption of it
....the grass is always greener on the other side ...and all that.
but anyway, we dont want just a moment and then another moment, we want a whole timelife to keep under the covers in our little nest ... ! oooooh!?
yes, our experiences with others form (and inform) us greatly...they are a mirror and a maze... madness or a miracle.
recently i parted from my boyfriend but i feel much love around me and i feel happy in ways that i didnt before the experiences i have had in these past years of unstable love relationships...
and so i have been formed and informed, prasied and prised, given and grieven, loved and lacked and now.....i stand here.
My pleasure Clair, it was lovely to exchange letters with you.