CHAPTER FOUR  - OSHO

WEEK NINE. conversation by clair and anni

"I went to khajuraho in India with a group of friends to see the temples there.  The outer walls, the periphery of the temple there, is sculpted and decorated with the scenes of the sexual act, different postures of intercourse.  My friends asked why these sculptures were there, decoratiing a temple!

...I led them in.  Inside there were no such statues.  My friends were surprised because there was no sex depicted anywhere....on the outer periphery, outer wall of life, sex and passion exsist; its inside is the temple of god..."

Osho from his book 'sex matters'.

~ ~ ~

when something is truely abundant one can free themselves of it.  whenever there are limits....boundaries, our minds are always dreaming, obsessing, thinking of them, it, her, him

this evening my mind is obsessed with chocolate.  i have none in the cupboard.  none in the freezer.  no sweetness.  not even any fruit.  my mind is lost in this lack of abundance and returns again and again to the same feeling....the same sensation....

clair

For me, your reflections on desire and boundaries -especially in relation to both food and sex- call to mind the concept of Eros and lack. Erotic desire is dependent upon boundaries; its electricity is fed by the lack that those boundaries inflict. Sexual desire seems to be fed by absence rather than abundance. Those lovers who have given the whole of themselves to me and seemed to lack any mystery or strangeness have ceased to be objects of sexual desire. Excitement is fed by a feeling that there is a part of the lover that cannot be obtained, by an inability to traverse the boundaries of skin and of self. At times I have had to tell myself stories to keep eroticism alive, and I think that’s something that most of us need. I love sexual encounters with people who give enough to tempt but who also hold something back, because it is the pursuit that feeds my desire…

This mysterious, strange, absence-driven eroticism seems completely antithetical to notions of sexuality in popular culture. The homogenous images of women and men with artificially perfect bodies and vacant facial expressions that you see in the media are what I consider to be sexualised but not sexual. There’s a huge divide between these marketed images and what sex actually involves. Osho’s comment about images of sex on the outer periphery made me think of this. Unlike Osho, I’m not talking about sex as a decoration adorning a life that has God at its centre, but about the empty images that hide a more complex erotic world.

Food doesn’t quite involve the same complex stories and complications as sex does, but a discussion of it does involve some of the same concepts of desire, indulgence and lack. In telling ourselves that we can’t have something, we want it all the more, especially if it is bad for us. And absence, lack and austerity make one long, with increasing desperation, to indulge in the apple of one’s eye (which never actually seems to be an apple, but may be an apple pie with cream!)  J

thank you for your enjoyable writing anni....

what is, or makes something erotic ..... 

...i am thinking....there is soooooooooo much talk of physical body!  so much propagandar, so much media attention, so m u c h  general  and world wide A  T  T  E  N  T  I  O  N!!! ( ive just noticed 'at tention')  and it makes me wanna shout and spue and fight and yet it still    s u  c   k   s    m e   in!

...now i am thinking....are emotions sexy'?.......what about our emotional body?  ....yes, how it is,  so sexy, so erotic, so pleasing, so growing, so connectable, delictable, so deep, so nuturing, so engaging, so entracing, so peaceful,  and, in turm so capable of being the opposite of everything here.

clair

That's a pleasure; thanks for the opportunity. 

It's hard not to be sucked in by the persistent focus on the physical body. It's easier and more immediate than worrying about the more complicated elements of sex and self. Aesthetically pleasing images of sexy women and men make sexiness look easy, and seem to provide something bright, fun and breezy in a complex, exhausting and often grey world. When I look at people who aim to achieve this look via working out, dieting, shopping, makeup etc, it sometimes appears as if they are trying to assert some form of control in a world that is far beyond our control in all its mess, injustice and confusion. But it is never possible to achieve physical perfection because we are only human, and our bodies fail us eventually. It's like chasing a ghost.

So I think we have to hope that emotions can be sexy! There is certainly something about sex that goes far beyond the physical body to the emotional. I'm not always sure that the emotional and the erotic go hand in hand in the way that we think they should, as it is possible (and I think common) to feel a negative emotion that can be charged with erotic electricity.  But as you say, there is something sexy about the changeability and unpredictability of our emotions. We can connect in sorrow, in artistic rapture, in anger, in happiness, in pain, in mourning, in hopeful anticipation, in madness and in loss. All of these things can be sexual but we can't always explain why. This emotional landscape is probably more difficult to describe or explain than that of the body, and it again makes me think of how sex is so bound up with the unknowable,  the inaccessible and the strange. 

mmm..'like chasing a ghost'...i like that :)  .....thinking about it, ghosts are all clothes and no body!....you never see a naked ghost..

there is a ghost in this room.  it is cold and it has spread its self everywhere and  into each centimeter and  corner. it died in the old english winter. when winters were long and real and not centrally heated.  died frozen by snow and under a  bitter sweet full moon.  

clair

Ah that's a sad image, but beautiful. 

Sexual partners are a little like ghosts, as something of each of them still seems to resonate in my body. I have been changed by every person I have encountered sexually, even if the change is small. It's tiring sometimes to imagine carrying these people with me and what they meant to me at a certain time and how my experiences with them changed my life. I remember a part in the book 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being' by Milan Kundera, where he writes about a character called Thomas, who pursues women sexually, not out of physical desire, but out of the desire to possess as many parts of the world as possible. It reminded me of the way that sometimes a sexual experience with someone new makes me feel that I have acquired another piece of the world, a new understanding, a new perspective. Some of my ghosts are ones I would rather not carry but I have to find a way of putting them somewhere as they will never entirely go away. Others I adored but must also take their place somewhere that is slightly removed from the present moment, so that I don't feel utterly pregnant with the past...

i really enjoyed reading the passage you wrote. 

 i dont know where to begin, so maybe i wont.  time does amasing healing to the emotional body... dilutes all the experiences and can make them manageable again.  but a real stain - not even washing and re-washing will help as it remains..  maybe it will fade.  but in the right light it will always be there.  

it gives me a lump in my throat.  it makes me want to disappear.  it makes me want to run away.  it makes me want to stay alone.  

it makes me want to move near, it makes me want to find and love, it makes me want to find and love and truely love.  it makes me want to scream.  it makes me want to be happy.

Ah yes! Your words are so relevant to the way I feel this morning. I am so sad today because I am thinking of one of my ghosts who made me happy. Sometimes something will trigger a return to our love and although I don't want to go back there because it is time to move on, all the warmth and closeness and sweetness of it all floods back into me and I am overwhelmed by the absence of love. 

And it also makes me want to stay alone, safe in my own body, shutting out the world, shutting out love because it makes me so vulnerable. And like you, I also want to FIND love and enjoy that mad and intimate sweetness, that happiness that makes me sad because I'm so frightened of losing it...and because of this fear I love all the more intensely. I miss everything about being loved for everything I am -including my flaws- and the way that the person you love stays with you and you can still smell them even when they're away. There's a short Maya Angelou poem I know off by heart because it stayed with me:

'The day hangs heavy

loose and grey

when you're away.

A crown of thorns

a shirt of hair

is what I wear.

No one knows

my lonely heart

when we're apart.'

Such a simple poem, but it expresses this grey, sad, longing feeling so well. I am so sad this morning, but so glad I can connect with another writer about the way I feel. It's such a good idea Clair; I think we writers need to connect this way more often.

Sending you warmth on a cold day. 

thank you for your words and indeed we should :)  connection is where its at...!

love is all around.  i know its not the same.  but it is surrounding you in all its ways. and it will come again in the form of a lover.

do you sometimes find sadness quite beautiful?... i find its more comfortable for me than other feelings - like  physical pain or emotional jealously or even that feeling of not knowing and being torn apart by indecision...

....sadness doesnt seem to pull me around or apart. sadness is when all the other things (the anger, the fear, the not knowing, the anxiety born of difficult relations) are gone.  sadness comes then to process.  to filter your emotional body.   and to show you how it feels to just be alone.  and to encourage you to find love again. i find it is sort of a friend...though of course, not the sort of friend you want to be around ALL the time!!  ;)

and so are tears though i just havent had any for such a while and now i feel like my emotional body is letting me down! ;) ....where are all my emotional and healing tears i am due!!  have i been short changed!? ;)  ................. im sure actually it just has other plans.  (its problably waiting for a shoulder to cry on)!  hee hee ! lucky he !!  it makes me laugh to think of it !!!  hee hee again!  spiral symbol!!  this keyboard is so basic!   exclamation mark ! ! !

Sadness is one of the most beautiful emotions, yes. Most of my best poetry was written when I was sad. It's amazing sometimes that when I feel unbearably sad and lonely I still find myself being able to step back and write about it. Sometimes writing is the only place I can put myself when I feel like that. That's the problem with sadness I suppose; it makes it very difficult to concentrate on every-day things.

I cried last night whilst playing a song on the guitar that evoked a certain time for me. I think I needed it though. I agree that tears are healing. I can't understand people who never cry; I find it to be such a necessary and comforting release. I have always preferred lovers who are able to cry with me. Not lovers who cry too easily, but ones who can when they need to. Sometimes it's one of the most powerful ways of expressing love.

I suppose this is my last entry. It's really been enjoyable for me and it's been lovely to connect. Thank you Clair. I hope you find all the love and lovers and tears and happiness that you desire.

:-)

Anni. x

you are a sweet heart.  where is the heart key on this key board?! and the star key!?  im going to japan ! - im sure they have them there ;)  but for now you'll have to imagine them stamped on in special colourful inks

go well anni,
love
clair X x

 :-)   <3 xxx

<3 <3 <3  oh now thats nice :)) X

 

CHAPTER FOUR  - OSHO

WEEK EIGHT. conversation by clair and rebecca

"Life seems to want to rise to some height, these ocenanic waves, these life waves seem to be wanting to rise somewhere higher, but they only crash into the shore and sre destroyed.  New waves arise, crash, end.  This ocean of life has been pounding for so many billions of years.  Battling, rising and falling everyday.  What must be the purpose behind it?"

Osho from his book 'sex matters'.

~ ~ ~

there seem to be processes in this life of life and death.  but i am not convinced, am not feeling, that there necessarily is any  major  (or minor) plan.  

life is like lots of spirials and the direction and the speed and the degree of turn depends on the event, the  behaviour, the feeling, the sensation, just before it and that thing depended on the event or feeling just before that one.

life is making its own way through the universe.  my feeling is that it doesnt care about a meaning.  it just is.  it just is. and it just is.  even if that is just fades away.

thats not to say that lives arent meaningful / cant be meaninglful, but that that is something we ourselves pour into it/onto it.

Hello Clair!

When I first read the Osho quote I thought about humanity itself as a persistent surge of creation, against a seemingly indifferent planet. The Mayan Hypothesis preposes that our desire to preserve the planet and is misguided as human, plant, animal life are of no real consequence in the grand scheme of things as the earth might wipe us out at any moment and will regain its own equilibrium, which is not dependent on us. The continual crashing waves of life which dominate this indifferent planet are in a sense futile, but still they exist and flow in a cycle which seems to imply some order, if not purpose, due to the persistent nature of humanity's desire to create meaning and to flourish despite death, evil, natural disasters and disorder. 

My friend recently lost a close friend of hers and she wrote a poem about the impact of the grief. This quote and your discussion immediately brought this to mind, as she uses water as an analogy for the continual cycle of life. She begins by describing the waves of grief as waves crashing against a river bed and then describes the flow of her friend's life force or influence, which she feels continues even in death. I feel the end passage is particularly relevant:

'I fell asleep and it spat me out,

And now it’s Monday morning.

The blue blue sky and white cloud,

Water going somewhere I cannot tell

Where.

Back to the earth, Into rivers, into the sea.

And the cycle continues.

I watch it.

What more can I do?

And yet...'

Where is the water going? Where does all our energy and striving for survival and success lead us to? Where does it leave us if life can dissipate so quickly, evaporate without trace - other than in the mark we leave upon those still living? The futility of life always presents itself as a cruel, striking reality when we have to face the untimely death of those close to us. In the face of these sudden devastating travesties our small influence on others seems of the utmost importance and that is perhaps why my friend ended her poem with a challenging, lingering 'And yet...'  I interpret her ending uncertain question as one of remorse, as she is haunted by the idea that she could have perhaps done more to prevent her friend from taking her own life. But her 'and yet...' can also be taken to show that we must continue, we must not give in to these blows, as the cyclical spiral is the reality of life, and of nature. 

We have to be thankful for the time we do have, the lives we do touch, for everything we experience however chaotic or indifferent it may seem. In the cyclical liquid nature of life and death there is also a sense of wonder and beauty. Our insignificance is frightening and astounding, and our vulnerability is always apparent to me. But without death we would not strive for anything, we would not appreciate this life and our courageous continual mass of aspirations, desires and deeds are the embodiment of our hope to 'rise to some height' before we crash, trickle away and disappear. For who knows how long any of us have?

Rebecca. 

thank you for your words...for me feelings can span two polar opposites - one, that every little thing, even, as has been said, a butterfly flapping its wings in japan, is so meaningful that it will have its effect here in england on the other side of the world.

and this is true.  the smile or frown you give to the man, women or child in the street will ripple its way along forever

in the same breath, there is no great plan...

and we are not even searching around for relics of our own family trees, do i know even the name of  my great great grandmother?  will they remember my name?  generally no.  but does it even matter?...as i said, that smile or frown will ripple its way through the universe  f  o   r    e     v      e        r . . . 

clair 

Hmmm... Clair,

Meaning... 

When and how do we decide what is meaningful? It is important to remember that we do not know when a facial expression will stay with someone forever, or go completely unnoticed. The full significance of our gestures and actions can never be known. I struggle on a daily basis with the idea that I have been misunderstood or have conveyed something wrongly through my words, my body language, or (accidentally!) scathing looks. But as someone reassured me recently, most people are not thinking about or remembering you at the end of the day, they are probably just wondering how much philadelphia to have on their toast... 

Rebecca 

hee hee ;)...im guessing its only the lovely gestures that people remember - like a smile which didnt necessarily have their name on it...and was unexpected and thus able to make an especially good impact :)  

we can imagine the lady who recieved the smile, sitting in her kitchen in the evening, (with just the right amount of philadelphia on her toast), thinking, 'what a lovely, warm unexpected smile that lady gave me today' and with this she gave their cat an extra long stroke and a kiss on his whiskers and consequenly the cat goes out into the garden and makes an extra special purrrrr!  for the elderly women living next door and the elderly women goes back inside and calls her friend who she hasnt seen for a long time, and asks her round for scones with cream and jam and then the friend, walking round to the old ladies house, picks up a fallen apple  and hands it back to the mother of 3 struggerly along with her groceries

....and thats is how the smile started and! who knows where it will end (or!.... how kong it will take to get to Japan ;)

clair X 

Clair...

This is a very pretty scene that you paint... However, I am inclined in turn to imagine the negative gesture which travels along, making it's destructive way through the world... 

A bald man awakes from his dream on a beach and he's got a burned skull, in his anger he lashes out at a small dog, kicking it in the face... The dog in it's confusion and fear at the inexplicable rage of the man, runs away and bites a small boy who had tried to stroke it's fur, and then the small boy bursts into tears and smashes his sisters sand castle over in anguish. The sandcastle topples over and fills in a small hole in the sand which was the home of a family of burrowing sea turtles, who are now forced to burrow the other way into the earth. The turtles shift a rock, dislodging a precariously placed tectonic plate causing a catastrophic shift in the earth's crust. A rush of water fills the hole left by the crust, causing a wave which slowly builds up in amplitude as it traverses the surface of the North Pacific Ocean. Eventually it becomes a tidal wave which breaks shore off the eastern coast of Japan, flooding the generator rooms of three nuclear reactors resulting in total meltdown and much death.

This was just my initial response to your picture of positivity. Does this make me sound like a bit of a negative fatalist? haha

well.....! its good to have both sides of the coin up for pre-view ;) yes, chains of events can go either way, (and anywhere in between...) but its worth remembering, for me, how far the good can go, by default, it has as much travelling power as 'negative' stuff, and possibly more, because my friend told me that in other dimensions bad energy is dark and always sinks to the bottom and to avoid it you simply have to travel above it....that why birds get it so good...imagine...!

and it makes me think of the concept of 'good' and 'bad'....and how so many 'bad', 'negative' things have happened recently, but so far, they have all had little shimmering silver linings so! are they indeed bad or were they in fact good?

clair

CHAPTER FOUR  - OSHO

WEEK SEVEN. conversation by clair and sufi

"|The one who spends even those few moments of the waiting room in love has earned the worthiness to receive vaster love. 

What we do slowly, slowly becomes the creator of our lives and our souls.  What we are doing decides how we are creating ourselves ... decides the direction our soul will travel, the paths it will move on, the new worlds it will explore."

Osho from his book 'sex matters'.

~ ~ ~

I see in myself, my ability to be thinking to the future, for example : 


'when i get to the bar' then ; 'when i get my drink' then 'when i have finished this drink' moves to ' when i leave this bar' moves to 'when i have unlocked my bike' and then 'when i get home and be warm' and 'when i get into bed' and then finally 'okay, i am in bed now, when will i get to sleep!' ;) !!!!


....feels almost funny ;)  that i am doing this...rarely living the actual event but mostly in the moment that comes next.  but we all know tomorrow never comes ;)  there is always the next, not this, moment!!.  


as i write this, what am i thinking?  about putting my heart and soul into this writing/these words/allowing myself to become these words and the words to rain out of me like pure nature? 


when i am feeling most myself.  when i am calm and joyous....joyous right in the center of me.  and then all the joy grows flowers around it and all the sun shines down on every petal and seed. and rain then comes down on their water proff leaves.  does not spoil them like it does paper.  like life can rain down on me.  without my fear shilding it. wihtout by ever feeling of 'tomorrow' passing it by.
clair


action precedes everything in life. I am what I act. Mostly I, myself, donot notice what I am acting (may be I am busy in noticing other's actions). But the act of acting is very important to notice. I have learnt that I have spent most of my time in my life thinking about past and future. I have always put my one foot in past and other in future (may be that's why I am pissing on my present). But If I donot control my present, I cannot control my past or future, per say.


On the other day, when we met, I sat there for a while after you left. Thinking that how we are linked with each other. As you said everything in this material existence of us is connected to each other in a way or other. And I learnt that I needed to discover our connection at the time when you were there, in front of me. Sitting calm, talking. I was able to see you. I was able to listen you. May be I could have connected myself with you during the moment when we were together and not after you left.


Sufi


indeed,  it is the moment that is happening in the present which is the only moment livable.  we can drag the past and the dreamed future into our present path, word by word,  letter by letter, if we choose but it is often, as we say, 'dreamed' or 'dragged' and not really real.


i did a course yesterday which celebrated 'short moments'.  they didnt explain exactly what a 'short moment' was, but i thought it was probably to do with dividing life into lots of slithers of moments....dividing the movie or story up, so that it loses the ultimate meaning and just becomes a set of shapes, or colours or behaviour or emotions and i lthought i liked that approach :)
clair

sometimes, as a progressive, i think one moment in our lives should be a decisive point about the other moment. I mean every next moment that is coming in our lives should be faster than the present one. Otherwise it will take ages to reach at the destination of human well being. But then, this is contradiction of what I said earlier. Like living in a moment. Either we can live in the moment, or we can think about coming moment.

Anyhow, this contradiction of thoughts is vital part of reaching towards a pure, sane, serene and tranquilizing thought process. One way is to absorb yourself into you, so that we can dissect the moments, as you have learnt in your training. Or we can change human conditions around us that can help everybody to have a serene moment in life. But then the question is, is utopia possible only in our minds or we can create a utopian world!

cheers and love

sufi


yes, the future is very appealing...'present' and 'future' are a bit the difference between water and alcohol, water is life and alcohol changes our perseption of it


....the grass is always greener on the other side ...and all that.


but  anyway, we dont want just a moment and then another moment, we want a whole timelife to keep under the covers in our little nest  ...  !  oooooh!?
c

yeah, you are right. we do not need just a moment of perfection. But a whole life. to have mastery over a moment is inevitable for having mastery over whole life. Most important thing is to connect the moments to grasp whole life. But I think that an individual alone may find it hard or difficult to connect the moment. That is why we need others. 

The other person in our life plays vital role in connecting the moments. here comes the importance of partner as a fulfilling of our otherwise shallow lives as individual. or may be we can know about moments of tranquilty on our whole life only when we are told by others or by our partner!!!!!

indeed, pur partner can be a very special person/infulence/love in our life.  but recently,  i did a course called 'balanced view'.  following  is an exert of the text that went with that teaching and which is close to thoughts that i have been feeling :

"Its like being the ultimate mother and father to yourself....it's as if you had a little child that your adored and you could only see its beauty and power...thats how you fall in love with yourself: where you can always see the increasing beauty, power and viltality"

Balanced view, from chapter ten

society has taught us that self love is selfishness. 

its not true :) 

we are our own best carer and lover!! and when we feel this most, our love reaches the outside..... :)

clair

Yeah, self-love is pre-requisite for loving other. Here I am in agreement with you and OshoJ But my point is to better about how much you love yourself, the feedback comes from others. I don’t know but I think I can only understand myself with help of others. I can try to understand myself, but i can infer wrong about myself. May be i can understand myself better without other’s help, but then only that part off mine will be understandable which is not related to others.

I can see myself as I only through You. But I can love You only if I love I. Do you love someone in your life or you love yourself only? Just a random question:-)

Sufi

hi sufi,
yes, our experiences with others form (and inform) us greatly...they are a mirror and a maze... madness or a miracle.


recently i parted from my boyfriend but i feel much love around me and i feel happy in ways that i didnt before the experiences i have had in these past years of unstable love relationships...


and so i have been formed and informed, prasied and prised, given and grieven, loved and lacked and now.....i stand here.
clair

What a wonderful way of describing the feelings and experiences. What you wrote in last line about formed and informed, praised and prised, given and grieven, loved and lacked is the reality of a life that is exposed to human relationships. I wonder may this is what we can expect from others and may this is what we can have in return of all high and meagre values we exercise in our everyday lives. But is there any way to reduce meagre values and find more fulfilling ways of living.  And here comes the question enlightened human.............

Sufi

thank you :)

everything is possible ... these patterns that we sew are not forever... weave your cloth carefully and strong and although it may look a little battered, ultimatley it will hold hold and hold.  and if it can hold your love then it will hold anothers.

thanks for writing sufi :)

clair .)


My pleasure Clair, it was lovely to exchange letters with you.

love


Sufi
 

---

                                                                       

CHAPTER FOUR  - OSHO

WEEK SIX. conversation by clair and helen

"This earth, this world can never be healthy as long as this distinction exists between men and women.  And this world can never be at peace as long as this burning fire rages inside while we sit tightly on it.....This fire burns, it turns our life into ashes.  

I say to you that if you come to understand this fire, it is not an enemy.  It is a friend.  If you come to understand this fire,  it will not burn you.  It can warm your homes in winter, it can cook your food, it can be helpful, and it can become your friend in life."

Osho from his book 'sex matters'.

                                                                        ~ ~ ~

it seems to me, whenever something powerful exists, it has the capacity to be something life-enhancing or something life-depricating.  and in either way, and for the least,  when something  is powerful, its effects are nearly always meaningful.  

what shall we do with this fire?  warm our hands or burn our houses down?
clair 

 To understand the fire.....I suppose I am coming to see how much it is a matter of choice, in who we let into our lives, how we share ourselves with them, what we allow or disallow, what we give time to, who and what we nurture, how we nurture our own inner fires. I see fire as a healthy friend, even when it wants to destroy, we need to give it space to burn away what doesn't need to be in our lives anymore, what isn't serving us. Fire can work gently, disintegrating slowly, burning out quietly. It doesn't have to be ferocious although if we forget to honour it's potential it can quickly and easily put us at its mercy.

So somewhere we have responsibility, to tend the fire, to watch over it, to feed or water it when it needs. To love and give space to its power and life. 

helen

mmm....i tend to agree, in fact i dont think that any emotion is destructive.  i feel that all emotions exsist to give equilibrium and harmony to the emotional body.  every emotion.  but also that we can, like anything, abuse an emotion - overuse it, (or underuse it) or use it in a destructive way when it has really come to heal. 

the physical body has its thousand and one ways to heal.  ways we know nothing about - quietly and carefully and without actual awareness but with ultimate knowing, our body heals us.  again and again.  before we even feel ill.  

and we can oppress or disallow, abuse or let take over,  either type of healing.  

its about trust.  its about my trust in me. its about your trust in you. we are here to be well.  ....as my friend said recently (and i said to you) ' life loves us'. 

clair 

 I wanted to come back to the second line about sitting tightly on a fire, I wondered why we would do this within our ownselves.. to live tightly?.. to control, subdue or maintain a fire at an optimum level seems sensible but there's a fine line between how much we want and need sensibility in our own lives and how much it may be healthier to let our fires come to full fruition.

I'm really glad for my last relationship, as even though it was really hard work I found a place to fully reach my own fire and let it burn and come to full in some of the ways it needed to. Like any fire, it slowly coiled back and died down and now there's just a few embers left waiting to be resparked again. But we can spark our own fires. I feel like I'm done with waiting. Somehow we need responsibility to keep our own fires warm and sit on them as tightly or as loosely as we like. :)

indeed - ive never felt more true to this sentiment myself...that its me!. alone!  that i am the only one who i can (and should try) to take responsibility for!  the only flower who i can truely truely water... and its almost a surprise.  when i have been searching so long for another.

and of course, all the 'me's' are very special.  we each have one and they are our very special dancing partner.  dancing from the inside out.

how shall i be? what will enable peace in me?  what will enable the kind of  life my body and heart searches? and hard will i try?  its up to me! and its up to you for you!! how wonderfully correct!!  horrah!!!!*+ !

Ways I kindle my fire these days....
 
Helping my friend Jane with her allotment
 
'She rides' :
  http://sheridesbrighton.wordpress.com/

 
Getting involved with the work of Persephone Pearl, attending funerals for lost species :
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axCUUaTVKJc
 
How do you nurture your fire? 
helen



lost species funerals sounds like a good project, fun and sad and strange and very sad because some species will never be seen or able to walk their little feet on this earth again.  and maybe they had something good to say?
:)

as for me, talking things through with myself is a good one - i think i'd go mad without it or else feel a lot less clear.  and i like clearness * * * connectng with things - in music and writing, in sharing * * * hope.  that gets me through a large amount. * * *   dreams - they get me through when hope's having a day off  * * * and serrendering to the arms of sleep.  a different journey not bound by the same limitations as other life and very very  very very relaxing.  what a dream!!!

are you enjoying this helen? :)  i am :)
clair x

yeah thanks, nice way to connect with you over a week. Might have a look at the book now... x

x

clair

CHAPTER FOUR  - OSHO

WEEK FIVE. conversation by clair and kathy

"Can it be that the very soul of human beings, is trying to give birth to a better human being, a greater human being, a superhuman being?".

Osho from his book 'sex matters'.

                                                                        ~ ~ ~

im feeling, over many thousands of years...a massive passage of tiime, the human being might give birth to a more peaceful and creative human. one who is looking at the sun.  one is looking from her heart.  one who is giving rather than counting. one who is dripping love like an angel....

clair

I do sometimes wonder.  Are we any different from our ancestors?  There still seems to be so much anger, hate and pain in this world.  And yet ... yet things do improve.  Things do get better. Slowly. We, as human beings, are less tolerant of injustice, hate and persecution.  We strive for better.  We try to imbue better for our children and their children.  As I write I feel a wave of optimism. We are, slowly, becoming better human beings.  At the end of the day all we ever want is peace.  It's a long time coming, we may stumble and fall and get hurt on the way, but, I don't feel it's a fantasy.  I feel that with love and patience we can become greater human beings.

Kathy

'giving birth to a better human being' ....such a lovely idea isnt it, its tiny progress - with as many wars as exsist on our planet earth right now, it would have to be, but maybe, like pebbles, over zillions of years turn, into fine sand beneath our feet, the world will slowly have its edges filed off and become as sweet and the day itself was born.  and like a baby its will cry for all its wounds and the people will hold hands round the whole world, and in union peace will be born in each of our hearts with earth smiling through each plant and animal it touches.

we are the earths eyes.  through us it sees.  how it feels we must feel. 

clair 

Each one of us are but mere pebbles on the beach.  This is humbling.  To think that each of us, with all our relationships, jobs, families, dramas, lives, are just mere pebbles on a beach and all that we think is so grand and important is, in fact, of no significance at all.  We can become so embroiled with things; new clothes, the latest, must have, gadget, surgical procedures to so we build ourselves to our image.  It's so crass, boring, insubstantial.  When I walk amongst nature; see the each season in turn, and what it has to offer, hear the birdsong, I am reminded that I am part of a bigger whole.  I am but a pebble on the beach.  All that can be strived for is progress, not perfection.  And progress is being made, slowly and surely. And with each turning of the page perfection comes a tiny step nearer. Much is talked about the human condition - we are very often powerless. Yet...the human soul cries out for more and I do believe that the soul shall triumph.  Our dreams shall come to light.

Kathy

mmm...nice like mice :) 

i'm on a productivity high (good mood because of  doing lots of things on your to do list)

yum.  

yum again.

im also on a health high (good health following flu or some other heath difficulty) and although i still have a nasty cough deep in my throat i am able to have a health high beacuse its all relative;)

what small things are doing it for you at the moment kathy pebble ? :)

clair

Fat as a rat by the bins of the Savoy :) (I over did the festivities a bit.  But it was great.)

Cherishing my spare tyre, accepting and loving me as I am, crows feet, cellulite, laughter lines an all.  Adds a bit character me thinks.  

The bare branches of trees silhouetted against the sky, birdsong, tips of daffodils poking through the earth, cream cakes, warm scented baths; my cat, curled up and purring on my knee, cream cakes.  Chopping winter vegetables for a comforting stew, watching the birds from my kitchen window.  Oh, have I mentioned cream cakes?

These are a few of my favourite things that keep me going through the winter months.

Kathy

they were a real pleasure to read :)

everybodies special secret life...i saw the first sign of daffodiles popping through the earth today...they think it must be spring.  but its not.  its janruary and  winter has still got its hat on, though its been wearing it very modestly this year i must admit although the air is a little cooler today.  but the sun is a little warmer so it probably equals itself out.  emotionally anyway.  yes you did mention cream cakes ;)  what is it about eating - how it becomes more and more enjoyable as we get older ?... im sure i was never really bothered  about food when i was younger, but these days am bothered. and i am thinking about it.  full fridge satisfaction leading to full tum satisfaction. ;)

everything changes.  every cycles. and i enjoy things i never used to pay concern to.  i remember my nanna offereing me £30 for fruit and vegetables when i was a kid.  i was so disappointed i thought she may as well have not bothered!  vegetables i thought!!  what a waste of spending money!!!   my mum gives me them for free!!!  ungrateful little sprog clearly.  but then she got me at the wrong time.  these days i would smile my pants off to be given £30 to spend on fruits and vegetables ;)

your nest sounds nice, your kitchen window.  i am hoping for a new safer one soon.

clair

Thirty squid to spend on fruit and veg! What a feast that would be.  I wouldn't have been very impressed as a child either. I'd much preferred money for black jacks, flying saucers, liquorice wheels, gob stoppers and spangles.  The old cliché about tastes changing as we get older is so true.  But I wouldn't have it any other way.  I enjoy much simpler things these days.  I suspect I enjoy food more these days is because I have to go out, get it, prepare it and cook it.  I enjoy eating out because I don't have to go out, buy it, prepare it and cook it.  I just eat it ;)

I've attempted growing veg, not very successfully it has to be said, but I have experienced a squeak of joy at fresh spuds at the table or rocket in my salad.

Yesterday, as I stood a beam of sunshine outside work, a bee buzzed by and sat on the wall.  The poor thing seemed disorientated, fooled by the brief sunny spell.  Yes, it is only January and although it's mild I can't help but wonder, Is winter trying to lull us into a sense of false security only  strike with a vengeance?  Who knows? I certainly don't.  I'm just enjoying the blue skies and rays of sun.  It makes me smile. 

I enjoy the changing of seasons, the cycles of change.  Each has it's beauty, something to offer. Winter is no longer something to be got through but enjoyed.  A wise man once said to me, "Enjoy, not endure." Sadly, he passed away a few years ago, but I'm so glad I knew him, he enriched my life.

I hope you find a safer new nest soon.  One you can line with feathers (Or whatever takes your fancy.) and make cosy and enjoy.

Kathy

thank you kathy pebble, it has been a real pleasure writing with you over this week :)) 

'enjoy not endure'. 

my sentiments exactly ! (although i can be a complaining old licorice allsort ! ! ;) )  hee hee

clair X

Thank you Clair.  It's been wonderful.

Kathy xxx

CHAPTER FOUR  - OSHO

WEEK FOUR. conversation by clair and kat

"Love has only one sadness: when it cannot share; love is sad when it cannot give.  Love is happy when it can share.  When it can give totally, love is happiest".

Osho from his book 'sex matters'.

                                                                        ~ ~ ~

mmm! gosh! what is it to share?  sometimes i think about all the animals and that they can be divided into catergories of socialable one and alone seeking ones or  maybe a bit of both.  like you are not supposed to keep donkeys alone because they are socialable animals who used to live with each other in warm africa.  you shouldnt keep them in the rain eaither.  cos there coats, unlike cows, are not waterproof.... they are african and they always will be...to some extent of their needs and there preferences...

are humans naturally social animals?  i guess they are be defined as so... 

"Anatomically modern humans first appear in the fossil record in Africa about 195000 years ago" so wiki sais so we are african too!   but have lived away from africa for a longer time...

and we live in houses cos our fur has all dropped off!  anyway, loves need to share... yeah! what do you think about this all kat? :)

clair

Well talkin of waterproof, as rather handily  we humans are, I've just come from the spa and that's definitely a lot more lovely  with other humans innit. Just aswell our furs all dropped off too, as that definitely  wouldn't have been so lovely an experience  ;)
cat

no fur in  the spa! !  thats a bit animalist isnt it, you being a kat and all that ;) 
anyway, its just make me  think about all the animals and how they keep warm...cos not all animals have fur or much body mass..... like the humble insect! !. no fur and hardly any body mass atall!  clever little creatures clearly,  little ants being my favourite. as well as moths and lady birds.   although  i must admit, moths do clearly have a little bit of fur.

my research tells me that insects are basically cold blooded and that means they can't (and dont need) to keep a contant temperature like us and other warm blooded creatures, although, cold-blooded animals, such as bees or dragonflies, do shiver a little to stay warm when it is really too cold and honey bees stay warmer by crowding together and  by giving each other  little hugs which sounds like sensible approach to me ;)


we are all so different.  its easy to forget about insects because they are very small.
clair 

Yes! Easy to forget about insects-unless they are wasps of course. Fur or no fur (or very little fur ) - en mass they're just like a flying stinging stripey fur ball of antagonism)   We all just wish we could forget them eh? But NO! Whenever things are goin swell n the sun is shinin n your in the woods with your cornedbeef n crisp sandwiches n its almost a Cliff Richard moment (when the holiday bus suddenly rolls up n loads of astonishingly glowing healthy young people pour out n sweep you up in their  holiday swirl.) JUST at that minute THEY arrive... Why??? One thing I have learnt is that they're very unlikely to turn up in the spa due to their fur load and you're much more likely to encounter Cliff Richard. . probably..possibly..  so I'm told..which is one of the reasons I may allegedly bee keepin my  attendance up. Bee hugging by the way sounds nice but risky.. ;)Trees top them by a mile..or at least a few feet I reckon..  ;) x 


thats where i go wrong cat, i keep hugging bees...suddenly so obvious but what can i do when they are so cute looking and furry (even if they are full of fury?)
clair

CHAPTER FOUR  - OSHO

WEEK THREE. conversation by clair and sean

"The ganges flows from the himalayas.  It is natrual for it to flow; it is alive, it has water, it will flow and it will find the ocean.  It will not ask a policemen or a priest for directions to the ocean.  Have you ever sen a river standing at a crossroads asking a policeman where the ocean is? No, the search for the ocean is hidden in its being.  And it has energy so....the river will surely find it.

But suppose dams are crated in her way?  Suppose high walls are contructed all around the river.  What then?  A river overcomes and breaks through natrual barriers, but if barriers of human engineering are created, then it is possible that she may not reach the ocean".


Osho from his book 'sex matters'.

                                                                        ~ ~ ~

harmony, love and finding our way are natrual ways of being.   loving our earth, ourselves and each other is a natural path.  every morning i wake to a different kind of world.  me too, am now part of the dam which has been made.  maybe i can  reform it slightly, change its colour or its energy just a little bit.  all of us, individually and ultimately together, could transform the whole world, in a moment.

clair

If I ask others 'will the sun rise tomorrow?' they always seem emphatically assured it will for the nature they attribute, knows no limitations outside themselves....but should I ask 'will world peace happen today?' they tell me as sure as the sun will rise that it shall not be (if ever) in their lifetimes. We are masters of our own limitations, imprisoning our imagination which longs to frolic amongst the stars, to play servant to a limited understanding of who we are and thereby what we could actually achieve in this single, eternal, and precious moment, pregnant with possibility.  Perhaps, if we answered our hopes and dreams - not from who we construct ourselves to be, but from allowing ourselves to speak from who we authentically are, as sure as dragon-flys effortlessly dancing and making love on the pond of a sweet spring morning, we could be cradling and sustaining world peace in our very hands, right here, right now, and in the blink of an eye.   

paralemptor

good work sean, and may i ask, will the sun, when it rises tomorow, be world peace?

For whom does it rise?

When time dawns for the sun of inevitability, in the light of the truth, we see world peaces primacy (amongst all other dreams) was also in our hands all along - never lost and never truly forgotten. Awakened, not then could the shadows in our hearts and minds obscure us from openly honouring and nurturing this perennial part of ourselves from which all else follows to fruition; even in the darkest moments. 

For in truth and hind-sight, such realisation would be less a serendipitous discovery, but auspicious remembrance of who we are: A candle flame, standing steadfast and bright, unhindered by the frightening maelstrom of an brief but unforgiving blustery night in the wet forest.

Such a flame, inspires others, and inevitably lights up the whole world wherever one peers, carrying with it solace, comfort, and nourishing kindness for all creatures above and below from which it reflects and generates in all directions. World peace as such is inescapable, and it's antithesis merely a passing exception, or a dissolving cloud.

paralemptor x

god yeah!  ....  the fact that we have managed to avoid peace for so long long is almost uncalculatable...!!!  that we have missed this ongoing opportunity to live peace....!  if only every one knew....!!   i think we are under an umbrella of difficulites in the world on the one hand and also under a kind of 'learnt helplessness' umbrella - the notion that the world has to be this way...

how can everyone get to know that if just each tiny weeny individual planted peaceful days in their gardens  then the whole world would be peaceful?

maybe we could send postcards round through letterboxes or maybe we could start a facebook page?  

or maybe the shining face of the sun, or stars or moon, will one day tell everyone of the secret of peace.  that if we all stop 'fighting' in our many different ways and shades, peace will avail without any special reciepe or plan.

Osho was telling a story, in the book that the passages for this chapter are taken, about a scultptor whos onlooker was enquiring where the sculpture was cos all she could see was a greak hunk of stone.  the sculptor replied that the sculpture was already in there inside, waiting, and just the correct pieces needed to be chipped and taken away and there there would be the shinning scupture in all its light and and beauiful glory.

clair

Lovely Clair :)

Yes the obscurations are everywhere, not least in the premises of our perceptions. To bridge the veil thats formed between our facsimile and our authentic nature may happen in any instant at any time, and logically is happening at every moment. It seems there is no one path to doing it, there are as many as there are people....and more. 

It's as if the nature of reality all around is crying the song of the same eternal story in its multitude of variations, writhing between the orgiastic pleasure and pain of simulated seperation. Which it is! - and that song and story emanates from us too, should we take the profound opportunity to face it in the mirror, see it, and behold it.

I sense that regardless of the predictions of skeptics or prophets alike, a great wave of truth for humanity is already upon us. Crashing in around us faster than any tsunami of rocket fire and ignorance currently making the news. It's a story, and we are all tellers of that story as well as its actors. As each layer of illusion dissolves in this incredible time to witness, it shall expose another beneath it waiting to reveal more secrets. 

These times will happen only notably at certain times in history-books, and we are privileged in many ways to be here in the front seats, if only for a momentary lifetime, to feel the flood water come rushing between our toes.

I liked the story of Oshos sculptist. It reminded me of a story my mother told me once, of when she took me to the zoo, and took an elephant right up to me - I wasn't bothered at first because all I could see was a grey wall in front of me. It wasn't until she pointed out to me that I was looking at one if four enormous legs suspending a tremendously expansive creature above me that I burst in to tears.

As always I fail to be brief, and simultaneously feel like I've never said enough.

Peace,

paralemptor x

 yes, ignorance can be bliss ;)  i refer to the greyness you saw until you realised it was a huge animals colour and  who  eventually scaced you.  it also reminds me that there are many people who arent thinking about all these things, who also arent thinking that we are withn a special moment, or a moment of revolution, about 20/12 , about the notion of conspiracy., the idea that the govenment  might have investied interests,  people who do not have these ideas in their consciousness and thinking.

arnd maybe, if your mind isnt in these places, the world is already at peace?  ( except for the little bit of turmoil found on the news on tv....?)  

we are all our own sculptures

clair

Hi Clair, how are you? 

We are indeed our own sculptures, to the point that we are allow our sculptures to take ownership of who we believe ourselves to be. It is in actuality, the closest to a self fulfilling prophecy as one can get.

I suspect that human kind goes through waves of intense collective awareness at times, so intense that it appears to break the surface of our everyday existence like a giant leviathan coming up for air after aeons of resting on the ocean floor. At other times it is not seen for centuries, or visits only in the depths of individual dreams where it is safe from regular ostensible recognition. For such periods, ignorance is a kind of bliss, and to wear knowledge can often seem a curse for many.

The process of emergence from this slumber I find particularly fascinating, particularly as it appears in the collective awareness. I'm reminded of the many versions of ’Invasion of the Body Snatchers’ which illustrate through the various remakes, different ways that an awakening like this can occur. Despite all the rewards such a process can promise, there is much fear, paranoia, alienation, and internal doubt that can play havoc with the well being of those going through it. Metaphorically or not, there is a kind of fatality to it, a death to face.

Perhaps the clearest litmus test for this kind of internal struggle showing itself to be present is in the way our civilisation has reflected itself in the absence of wholeness - we are bound by division everywhere we look - there are locks and keys on everything and we are increasingly polarised to extremes; we suffer from a great mistrust of ourselves while participating with each other. Of course we know this wasnt always the case, our grandparents or even parents will happily recount the days when we left the house unlocked, or we allowed our children to walk unaccompanied to school- things we could now easily regard as fool hardy in the current climate.

To get really esoteric I'd go as far as suggesting that our predatory nature, once put to use for warding off sabre tooth tigers and eating mammoth, has now turned in on itself, and we now predate on each other, and ultimately on ourselves. Our entire system is predatory, we are trained to compete and compare, to gain a mafia monopoly, and yet we are astonished when the fruits of such a system shows no mercy to us as individuals. It's incredibly Faustian.

It looks as if the humble man and woman, originally perhaps, gentle gardeners of spaceship earth have been highjacked, their minds sullied by some cosmic trauma, and in the brief absence of mind lost a piece of themselves in the stars. But it has happened many times before, and it will happen again. Consigned to walk the earth, dig, mine, set up shop, and toil for millennia under a strange possession compelled by an idea that somewhere 'out there' lies the comfort and happiness they once knew.

It's the intensely alien nature of all this behaviour that makes me suspect some kind of monkey business is at play which is never dared spoken of. I'm not saying that animals don't enact genocide or even ecocidal tendencies - because they surely do, but in the fine print of some of life's organisms there are specific key observations that can be made that I think point the way to some earth shattering implications if we look at them. As such, I think sometimes a healthy open mindedness and interest in parasitology can be potentially quite enlightening.

Peace

paralemptor x

but hasnt the sun brought with her world peace....she has risen on 5 occassions since we spoke?

... i was at a punk/ska gig last nite, sometimes the sounds were like war and i actually  found it quite funny, it kinda blew the cobwebs away i would imagine...

my hair was particularly clean and tidy and i was alone.  some nice man spoke to me and offered me some of his cloudy cider.  he reminded me of iain curtis of joy division, that kind of 80's bomber jacket stylee, he told me he would be playing guitar in the next band but it was funny, he was actually the singer..... the nice guy making polite conversation with the cloudy cider became the punk hero with the lyrics on the mic - a perfect, strong and funny transformation.

thats what the suns gotta do, spit some lyrics and get as all to turn round, burn up all our greed in one single moment and leave only our peaceful sculptures,  the bit in the middle, all badass and goodass and loving and real.
clair